“We’re here to interview Quatre Raberba Winner, age 5, who is this year’s recipient of the Safest Town in America award. Quatre, tell us about your Maguanac Corps.”

“Well, I really like my Mog-a-nocks but I can’t tell you where their secret base in the back yard is ‘cause it’s a secret an’ I’m really good at not tellin’ those. But the Mog-a-nocks are very useful ‘cause they fix stuff like broken Gundam models an’ pertend guns ‘n stuff an’ they shovel the snow and rake the leafs an’ mow the grass down an’ they take good care a Queenie. Queenie’s my baby circus effelent they got me for Cwissmiss for a supprise. An’ boy, was Melody an’ John an’ Tegan sure supprised! But I can’t tell ya where Queenie lives ‘cause she lives with the Mog-a-nocks in their secret base in the back yard but we get t’ take turns ridin’ her an’ we can see her any time we want to.

“Our town got the Safetest Town in ‘Merica ‘ward ‘cause the bad guys musta moved ‘way ‘cause Rashid says the crime grates is just ‘bout nuthin’ now. There’s almost no policemans or policeladies here enymore ‘cause the Mog-a-nocks do such a good job that the police have becomed pretty much redunded, Rashid says. Rashid’s the boss of all of the Mog-a-nocks.

“They all go to school with us an’ make sure that enybody who comes to the school better have a pretty good reason for bein’ there or else they hafta go home. But not many people come to the school ‘less they abs’lutely haf to ‘cause the Mog-a-nockses immobile suits are intermadatin’ ‘cause they’re so big an’ peoples are gen’rally ‘fraid of ‘em. The bad guys should be ‘fraid ‘cause they’re bad guys but the good guys shouldn’t be ‘fraid ‘cause even though the Mog-a-nockses are violent an’ dang’rous they’re all really nice guys.

"The Mog-a-nocks do lotsa 'portant jobs 'round the town. They make sure that people put those real ness'sary tab stickers on their cars that they gotta have or they get in big trouble an' gotta get a ticket. They make sure ev'ryone crosses the street only at the lights an' look both ways an' hold hands an' only walk when the green light says they can go or they get scolded for not bein' safe an' for 'dangerin' the peoples in their cars 'cause they might cause a ackident. They also bust kids for smokin' 'cause it's really bad for 'em to smoke an' there's hardly a overdue libarry book now that the Mog-a-nocks are in charge a that.

“The Mog-a-nocks helps our webparents too. Our fam’ly has eight chibis in it an’ six of us are all the same age an’ in the same class at school. Mrs. Meyer, our Kinnergarden teacher, said to Melody that we’re ‘quite a handful’ an’ that Melody must have the pay-shunts of a saint for bein’ our webmommie. But when we asked her what Teacher means when she said that she just said miss-steriously, ‘You’ll unnerstand it when you’re older.’ That means she’s not gonna tell us an’ we’ll just hafta find out for ourselfs when we get all growned up.

“At night an’ after school an’ on the weekends the Mog-a-nocks pertects our house an’ the whole rest a the town—they even pertects Mr. Pierson’s Hardware Store ‘spite a the fact that he don’ like us ever since Heero an’ Duo was on his store roof throwin’ water balloons on people with dye in ‘em an’ they had t’ scrub all the colors offa the sidewalk in front a the store an’ ‘pologize too. That’s how I met my Mog-a-nocks, by the ways. I saved Rashid from gettin’ red dye dumped on him by jumpin’ in front a him so I was all red ‘stead a him an’ they was all so happy ‘bout that that they followed me home an’ Melody ‘n John said I could keep ‘em.”

“Quatre Raberba Winner—where are you going now that you’ve won the Safest Town in America award?”

“To Camp Snoopy!”