“…An’ that’s how it always is. Always in ever an’ ever, an’ it never changes since forever an’ longer than that an’ perhaps evens more,” Relena clearly, boldly, and bluntly finished. Then remembering her brother’s coaching she added, with an amiable grin, “I states an’ rests my case your Honorable Judgeness.”

Heero looked with the sense of his impending doom at the blonde girl’s rather daunting and impressive stack of evidence. Towering, nearly swaying with the monolithic stature of its own height; the bulk and base of which were hard bound, with gold lettering down their spines. The tome manifestations of the bane of his argument, each and every page a black and white print proof to gum up the works of any of his rebuttals. Evil, contemptuous, treacherous love stories the lot of them. The entire pile had brightly colored posty notes in the sappiest parts; the gooey-kissy-icky part that is always at the end, where the guy gets all mushy-headed and starts liking the girl. Complete and utter phooey.

At the top, the most condemning of them all; the quickly manufactured, paper-backed, curled-covered, oh-so-popular-among-giggly-giddy-girlies—the Shoujo manga. Horrible picture abominations of fluff and nonsense, Heero thought. When did the library start keeping those around? He knew he should have ‘confiscated" (that’s what all the adults called it) her library card.

In hindsight it would have been hard work to take, and hide, enough of the library cards in the house so that Relena wouldn’t be able to check-out any books, but it would have been for the greater good, for the good of all boy-kind. Duo had encouraged him to use any method available to win; this would have fallen under that category. The braided effervescent boy had assisted him in every way he could, even if it was as simple as to say “go way an’ leave me ‘lone,” as Heero had told her to do innumerous times before, yet in the past Duo had never been able to accomplish this easy task.

Relena returned to her seat with as much decorum and lady-like demeanor as she could. She had specifically asked for Melody to pin up her hair in a stylish, business-like fashion and had dressed up for the occasion. The blonde girl looked almost professional as she tried to keep from grinning too much at how well her argument went.

“Thank you.” Treize nodded at Relena, and then addressed Heero, “Now the representative for the opposing party may present his case to the court.”

Heero knew this meant it was now his turn to tell everyone that everything Relena said was wrong; and it was: most definitely, totally, and completely wrong. The only problem was that Heero had been instructed to prove that her standpoint was incorrect with quotes, and statistics, and the opinions of really highly educated, smart, and respected people, like doctors and stuff. He couldn’t just say, “that’s wrong an’ omae o korosu to anyone who says otherwise.” There were two reasons he wasn’t permitted to use that method of persuasion: number one, if Melody heard him say that it’d be no desserts indefinitely, and two, it was against the rules of this hearing.

The two eldest chibis had both explained the rules, proceedings, and etiquette (Heero really detested that word) of this trial. Mostly Treize instructed them and Milliardo translated. Each side had an allotted time to argue their point; while everyone else had to be quiet and listen respectfully (Duo vehemently protested this provision.) Then the side that went first was permitted to ask a few questions about what the other had said, and after that the judge decided which side was right. Everyone had listened to and agreed upon these rules; some easily, others reluctantly. They had been given a week, plus some, to prepare and the court room had been set up.

Treize was the judge, appointed so because the chibis thought that since he knew so many big words he must be somewhat smart, and he was usually helpful. Also the boys thought that if Milliardo were to decide he’d side with his sister no matter which argument seemed best. The younger chibis had wanted a jury; they always had one on the TV shows, so why shouldn’t they have one? Not knowing enough people to choose from to create an unbiased jury, they had substituted a jury box full of impartial Gundam models and, to Duo’s chagrin, dolls; for appearance’s sake.

While listening to Relena’s, in his opinion, outrageous speech, the braided boy had maintained a sense of composure. He had fidgeted some, but managed to keep from vocalizing his view the entire time. After all, the outcome of this trial affected him as well as Heero; Hilde was right next to Relena and their cases were very similar, she could use the same reasoning on him.

Heero stood, glanced at Relena and her immense pile of life-threatening evidence. He reminded himself that just because his case seemed kind of bleak, and it surely was spiraling down fast, didn’t mean there was absolutely no way to gain the upper hand. The Japanese chibi made eye contact with the judge and preceded with his opening statement, starting with the words that Duo had informed him he had to use (after all it was in every lawyer show.) “Ladies and gen’lmen of the court, it is my opinion that Relena is utterly incorrect in her way of thinking.”

Treize had informed him yesterday that it was customary to address the opposing party as ‘my colleague’ or ‘my opponent.’ Heero was never going to use ‘my,’ a word of possession, in reference to Relena, especially in the presence of any living creature with ears. The older boy had pointed out that it was also good manners (reason enough not to do it) to use phrases such as ‘makes an excellent point in saying,’ or ‘has cleverly pointed out,’ and ‘the opposing party’s research states … but other findings say…’ to bring to attention certain points and then disprove them. These sayings sounded like complements to the Japanese chibi, so there was no way he could use them to make his argument sound more legitimate. The boy had asked for more help but Treize said that, being judge, he could only offer that much advice without compromising his honorable role in the proceedings.

“After hours of very dil’gent researchin’,” Heero figured since he couldn’t use the sentences Treize provided he could at least use some of the big edified words the older boy seemed so fond of spouting out. It might make his case sound more refined. “I have found that Relena’s claim is incorrect.”

“She’s WRONG,” Duo interrupted.

“Very,” Wufei added.

“Order! Please," Treize commanded in a clear voice that carried well and invited no objections.

Even though Heero used a large percentage of the most intellectual words in his vocabulary, making his speech as polite as he could under the circumstances, the boy felt that his points were flawed and weak. He fervently hoped that in no way would anyone question the validity of his statistics; crayon graphs and pie charts of surveyed young men, surveys he had conducted himself. Of the students polled in his school class Heero knew that none of them would answer contrary to what he wanted.

The library had betrayed Heero. Why couldn’t it have been even half as useful to him as it had been to Relena? There wasn’t a single book he could find where the heroine was eaten by the dragon, or an alligator, or some other large reptilian beast. Not one story ended with the boy telling the girl she was annoying and then she’d just leave him alone.

Heero couldn’t even say Relena didn’t have the same status or any similarities with the characters in the books. True, she wasn’t a magical girl, a female warrior, an undercover pop-star, or any type of mythical maiden; but the fact that she was undeniably a princess always swung back to hit him, and in no story found was there a princess whose tale ended in a way to benefit Heero’s case.

Taking a deep breath, Heero prepared for his closing remarks: the carefully composed conclusion that he, Duo, a dictionary, a thesaurus, and much pestering of the Maguanac Corps had produced. The other boys had helped him practice so he wouldn’t need to look so often at his notes.

“Relena has pr’sented to this court her ev’dance of fic-shunel books; image-in-ary stories that were written or happened long time ago. I have tried to show proof that,” Heero paused, recalling the exact wording they had worked out, “refract the times we live in now. These statistics show that the ‘posing party’s ideas are unfounded an’ not absolute.”

Duo nodded his head in agreement. The speech had been delivered spectacularly, the big words could only help Heero’s case and Duo was especially proud of ‘unfounded’—he had suggested it himself.

Though Relena had used words like ‘fate’ and ‘destiny,’ Heero’s words had been strong enough to counteract those. Duo recalled that there was the phrase, “there are no coincidences—only inevitability,” he had forgotten where he had heard it, and it was even harder to repeat, but luckily the girls hadn’t used it, because they may never be able to find anything to contradict that quote.

“Thank you for your remarks, Heero.” Treize made an open handed gestured to Relena and asked, “Are there any proofs you would like to address as counterpoint to anything new the opposing party has emphasized?”

Relena stood up, tersely brought both fists to her hips, and stated, “He says it’s all fict’shunal, but peoples says all stories is based on real life an’ that’s why it will always be true.”

“Is that everything you care to express?”

“Yes.”

After Relena answered in the affirmative, the oldest chibi gathered his pile of notes, and tapped them lightly against the table top, forming a neat stack. Standing, he addressed his audience, “This court is in recess until I finish deliberating.”

Duo patted Heero on the back, earning himself a death glare, “That went great, we def’nit’ly won.”

“That was bad.”

“Nah, man, you did great.”

“No, our ev’dance wasn’t nuff,” Heero glumly admitted. “Relena did a lot of work; I didn’t think she’d go that far.”

Coming from Heero that was a generous compliment, but Relena didn’t hear it, she was too busy talking in hushed tones to Hilde. The girls were looking through the books all starry-eyed at the sappy stories.

The chibis sat impatiently and had some snacks while waiting for the judge to reach his conclusion.

“Court is back in session, the Honorable Judge Treize presiding,” Milliardo announced.

All the younger chibis stood briefly, and then sat as Treize prepared to read his verdict.

“I have given each argument much consideration and reviewed all the proofs with equal importance and impartial practicality, reaching a conclusion I believe to be fair and just.” The eldest chibi looked at Heero and Relena in turn and continued, “In the matter of a boy always falling in love with the girl he found troublesome and annoying: I find the initial argument conclusively correct.”

“What?!” Duo exclaimed angrily, not a hundred percent positive the verdict was horrible, but fairly sure.

“It means Relena was right,” Milliardo clarified.

“But, no way,” Duo continued. “She can’t be.”

“Order,” Treize brought everyone’s attention back to him. “On the second matter of young girls addressing the object of their affection by terms of endearment at any given time: I find the action acceptable. That concludes this hearing. Court is adjourned.”

“Does that mean I still get to call Heero pum’kin and stuff?” Relena asked.

Milliardo silently nodded.

“Yay!” the blonde girl cheered, to an undertone of groans from Heero.

Duo leaned closer to loudly whisper into the Japanese chibi’s ear, “Maybe you’ll find a girl even more annoyin’ than Relena an’ then she won’t seem so bad.”

Relena grabbed Heero’s arm and hugged it. “Isn’t it great Pum’kin we’ll gets married an’ I’ll wear a purty white dress an’ we’ll live happily ever after just like we’re s’posed to.”

Heero gave Duo a look that said, ‘See--I told you it was bad.’