Chibis vs. Libarry
Eight easy steps to wreakin' havoc at your local libarry:
Table of contents:
*Interduckshun
It’s summer an' it’s hot an' you’re bored.
Duo: B'lieve me, we KNOW. We tried usin' our webmommie’s card 'bout a hunderd times an' not just for gettin’ things like plane tickets.
Wufei: We tried to get tickets to see a scary movie.
Heero: I’ve lost track a the times she’s put the kibosh on it when I wanna buy stuff from Weapons R Us.
Trowa: How ’bout gettin' back to writin’ this guide?
Duo: At least our webmommie tells us it’s fun. I think it’s kinda stuffy an' ya hafta be quiet all the time.
Trowa: Shhh.
Duo: See, you hafta be quiet just talkin’ ’bout the libarry.
Quatre: Trowa just doesn’t want you ruinin’ this guide by sayin’ stuff too early.
Trowa: Enyway. Melody says the libarry is fun.
Quatre: She took us so we could find sumthin’ to help us not be bored.
Heero: An' it has air conditionin'.
Step One: Findin' the right seck-shun.
When you go inta the libarry there are sen-sores you hafta walk through. They’re fancy lookin' but do the same thing as the borin' grey ones at stores: make a loud noise if you walk past 'em carryin' somethin' the libarry thinks you shouldn’t.
Once you’ve passed the foy-er there's differnt places with books an' videos an' music. All seck-shuns will be clearly labeled with what types a stuffs will be found in the differnt rooms, or on the differnt shelfs. All libarries have sep'rate seckshuns for a-dult fick-shun an' juve-nile fick-shun. (Quatre: That means stories that was e’magined up for readers who’s grown-up or chibis.) as well as non-fick-shun. (Trowa: That means books with real stuff.) an' period-a-culls. (Heero: Those ’r mag’zeens an’ newspapers. Some a them can be VERY useful, 'specially the science an' weapons kinds. My fav'rite is Your Gundam an' You. It comes out ev'ry other month an' it's disguised as a manga.)
The books your webmommie, teachers, an' even the Libarry-annes will incourage you to look at is in the children’s compartment--um, we mean DE-partment.
Heero: But you can just ig-nore the sign an' go sumwhere differnt.
Duo: Yeah, go enywhere you want. Any way you want. That’s what I su’jest.
Relena: There’s cubbyholes with cushie chairs. An’ you can’t find ’um if you don’t esplore all over.
Heero: That’s not what I was talkin’ ’bout. I was gonna say somethin' ’bout the best no-fick-shun books. (See step five for further infermation.)
Duo: Yeah to get there you gotta sneak past the ’frence counter where the libarry-annes always sit. An' you hafta weave through the aisles so no one sees you, while…
Heero: (glowering because getting past the counter was his specialty) ’N you only have thirteen point five seconds afore you get caught.
Trowa: This guide will never get done, ’cause you’re not sayin’ what this part’s ’bout 'gain.
Duo: Are too! This is 'bout gettin' to the right place an’ that's what we’re talkin’ ‘bout.
Quatre: Let’s skip to the next step. I think the readers know ’nuff about the seck-shuns now.
Relena: An’ if they don’t the libarry-annes give tours, so they'll show ya where stuff is.
Step Two: Findin' the right sorta books.
If you have loads a time to spend in the libarry, try browsin'. (Wufei: That means wanderin’ ’round lookin’ at the books on the shelfs, which is the slow way to find things.) When you look at the sides of many libarry books, they will have stickers. These show you the jen-rah of the story. (Wufei: Jen-rah means the type of stuff written in the book.) If a book has a sticker of a planet or moon, it means the book will be 'bout outer space. A magnifyin' glass means it’s a myst'ry story, an' a pirate ship means adven-cher.
Chibi Heero Tip – You should avoid the books with unicorn stickers on 'em.
Chibi Quatre tip - Stay 'way from books with ghost stickers too. Those books are scary an' if ya do, ya shouldn’t read 'em in the dark or before bedtime. Trust me.
Duo: Nah, it’s okay to ready the ghosty ones.
Trowa: There are also stagecoaches for his-story-call fick-shuns an' swords for books with warriors in ’em.
Relena: An’ the unicorn ones are good stories ’bout princess an’ fairies.
Wufei: (Very angry) I was gettin' to that. This is my step.
Relena: Yeah, Wufei gots chosen to do this part ’cause he ’members all the meanin's for all the lots of differnt stickers. (Whispers) He’s very pur’tickular ’bout the kinda books he reads.
Duo: You let Heero an’ Quatre say somethin'.
Wufei: The only reason I ’llowed the ‘tips’ is ‘cause Heero an’ Quatre wrote ’em out an’ asked if they could be put in an' I ’greed with what they said.
Duo: I saw a movie once where they had a ladder ’tached to the bookshelfs. It’d be fun to browz the shelfs with that. Zoom, across the row!
Wufei: What's that gotta do with this?
Heero: Our libarry don’t even have ladders.
Quatre: The shelfs are kinda tall though.
Duo: Yeah, it’s hard to see the top. In an’other movie I saw a lady climbed all the way to the top of the ladder an’ then all the shelfs fell over one after th’other like dom-e-nose. I climbed a shelf once but that didn’t happen.
Wufei: ‘Course not, the shelfs aren’t that tall.
Duo: They didn’t go like dom-e-nose when shoved real hard ’gainst ’um e-thur.
(Editor’s note: Much to Duo’s chagrin, he found out that library shelves are bolted to the floor.)
Step Three: Findin' books in the catalog.
When your webmommie's in a hurry, or if you want a special kinda book, you can use the com-puter catalog (Quatre: That’s a list of every book the libarry gots an' even some they don’t got.) The libarry has special com-puters just so you can find those books. The com-puters are even on low tables so chibis like us can easily reach 'em!
At the libarry, the com-puters are usually already on the right page to start a search. If it’s not on the right page, like when a book's name is already showin', the search box will be right above the list a books. To find a book you might like, click on the box an' type in what you like to read 'bout, or your fav'rite author, or a book you heard 'bout, an' then press enter.
Chibi Relena tip - For this part you may need help because the com-puter is pertickaler 'bout spellin'.
Chibi Duo tip - When typin' in the word ‘zombie’ remember it ends with I and E, not Y.
An' 'fore ya know it, a list of books will pop up, tellin' ya how many pages in the book, a pitcher of the cover, if the one ya want is there at the libarry, an' the call number. (Quatre: The call number is where on the shelf where the book is.) (See step four for more infermation.)
Duo: To be helpful I always leave the com-puter on the books I looked up. Just t' make sure the next guy doesn’t hafta work hard.
Wufei: Not ev’ryone wants zombie stories.
Duo: I know. That’s why when I’m feelin’ really nice I put diffrent things like Lizards, Monsters, an’ Gundams on sep’rate com-puters.
Quatre: Heero leaves the books he likes up too.
Duo: Yeah, he’s worse ‘n me.
Trowa: Heero sumhow made the com-puters—all of 'em—stuck on the books he’d been lookin’ at.
Heero: In my own ’fence I didn’t try to do that a’pur-pose. It just happened. It was a ax-dent (mumbles) the first time.
Quatre: Why would you do it more’n once?
Heero: I hadta figure out how I done it.
Step Four: Findin' the book you want off the shelfs.
Relena: (jubilantly) The boys were super nice an’ they’re gonna let me do this part all by myself. I think it’s ’cause they know I know all about gettin’ the best books.
Wufei, Heero, and Duo: Nuh-uh.
Duo: We just didn’t wanna do this step. It’s the boringest one.
Relena: (in a stage whisper) Well I do know all 'bout it. I’m a expert at findin' the books I want, way better n’ all the boys.
Relena: No more intruptin’ or I’ll tell Melody you broked your promise. — Now let’s get to the most m’pordant step.
Then after they're sorted out by these kind a stories, the books are put on the shelfs in alph'betical order (Relena: Fal’fabectic-al order means it goes by the ABC song all the way to Z.) by the author’s last name. For a zample, if Heero wrote a book with five chapters 'bout his favorite Gundam, Wing Zero, an' the pink palace he had it build for a special princess, it would be found on the ju-ven-ile shelfs near the end, under Yuy. (Relena: An’ that’s gonna be my last name too. Then if I write a book, it will always be next to my punkin Heero's.)
Heero: Never gonna happen—it’s riddle-qu’lus. I’ll never write a book if Relena’s gonna find a way to make her book always be next t' mine.
Wufei: It’s rid-que-lous the way the libarry-annes put books on the shelfs. No princess book Relena writes should ever be next to a book ’bout gundams.
Quatre: I think it’s good if stories ’bout dif’rent things are next to each other. They can make friends.
Relena: Sometimes the shelfs are a mess an' it’s hard to find ser-tin books. So, I help by standin' the books up.
Duo: The best way to help the libarry-annes is by puttin' the books how they should be, with the pitchers for the best ones showin' an' the rest piled in a tower.
Heero: That’s not how. The small books should go at the beginnin' of the shelf an' the big books at the end. The stickers shouldn’t have two of the same touchin', too.
Wufei: An' put all the pink ones in a dark corner.
Trowa: That don’t help. It made Melody frown real hard when she saw the shelfs we’d put to rights.
Quatre: She made sure we put 'em back the way the libarry-annes say is right. ’Cause if nobody a’grees on how the books should be they should at least be shelfed in the way most people know 'bout.
Step Five: Makin' friends with the Dewey Decimal System.
The Dewey Decimal system is the organizational method…
Duo: Wait! I thought it was the Dewy Dismal siss’tum.
Heero: No, it’s def’nit-ly dessy’mall.
Duo: Okay, then what 'bout, (sounding it out) organ-say-shun-all? I thought we ’greed it was s’posed to say ‘oragonizingishly’ way.
Quatre: It did. But spell-check said it needed to be changed an' organ-sayshun-al was the closest one on the list.
Duo: It still means puttin' stuff in the right places?
Wufei: Kinda.
Trowa: Maybe we should change that part.
The other chibis: Yes.
…the way which non-fick-shun books are sorted by top-icks or sub-jecks.
Wufei: Top-icks are different than jen-rahs of fick-shun books ’cause they’re ’bout true things.
Quatre: The libarry-annes told us ‘bout it. An’ that ‘sub-jeck’ and ‘top-ick’ mean mostly the same thing but it’s better to use both.
Quatre: It’s almost like a tellyphone number; you only call one phone with it.
These numbers are taped to the bindin' at the bottom of the books, where you can see 'em real good. The books are kept in nu-mer-i-cal order an' the beginnin' of each number tells the book’s top-ick. All books 'bout one sub-jeck, or things that are like each other, are kept in the same range. (Wufei: Range means they will have Dewy numbers that are ‘between,’ like fifty-seven is between forty an' sixty.) An' the numbers are the same for ev'ry libarry.
For a zample - In Albaqwerky books 'bout effelents are 599.67 an' in Rancho Cucamonga books 'bout effelents are 599.67 too.
Heero: The numbers you need to 'member is ***.**, those are ’bout making beam sabers.
Wufei: From ***.** to ***.*** r ’bout other weapons.
Heero: Melody won’t let us check out the buildin' weapons an’ mixin’ chemical books. But I know azacktly what shelf they’re on.
Duo: An' like we were tellin’ ya’ earlier, you hafta sneak past the re’fence desk an' make extra careful none of the Libarry-annes sees you. What makes it really diff'cult is you hafta sing the Misshun Poss’ble song while yer sneakin' or it’s meanin'less—ev’ryone loves a good spy song.
Heero: He doesn’t hafta. It’s annoyin' an' Duo gets me caught when he sings Misshun Poss’ble. He was s’posed to be the stractshun so no one noticed me.
Relena: The boys have been four'boded to go near no-fick-shun without an 'dult since the beam saber Heero was buildin’ almost worked ’fore Melody an' a Libarry-anne found him.
Quatre: It ack’shly burnded the table.
Trowa: The mark’s still there.
Step Six: Findin' the right readin' nook.
Ev'ry libarry gots speshul places for their pay-trons (Quatre: Pay-trons means the people who come to the libarry) to use. They are set up for workin' on re-search, with space for lotsa books, or writin', or usin' com-puters, an' for readin'. Your libarry may also have speshul rooms for meetin's an' confer'nces or classes. Sometimes the libarry has speshul e-vents for ev'rybody. But, for readin', you want to find a quiet, comferbull place where you can be all 'lone or with some a your friends.
Heero: It def’nitly hasta be a place where no one can bug ya. (looks pointedly at Relena.)
Relena: (not catching the meaning of Heero’s glare} There’s a corner with chibi-size sofas. An’ the books can be stood up round it to make a palace where a knight an’ his princess can spend happy ever after. You know where, my Heero?
Heero: I saw an’ I’m not goin’ there never. An' I'm NOT your Heero.
Wufei: Pushin' the chairs 'tween the shelfs makes a fort where no one you don’t want can come.
Relena: Castles are better ‘n forts.
Quatre: I think both are nice.
Duo: The long table with all the cubbies that you’re not as'pposed to look over the walls is better an’ Relena doesn’t come there ’cause the princessy books are aaaaallllll the way 'cross the libarry from that table.
Heero: The big sofa is the best. I hid my beam saber book in it an' its still there so I can go straight to my readin' spot an' look at it when we go to the libarry next time.
Wufei: You shouldn’ta told ev'ryone, now Melody’ll know where to look an’ she’ll see if it can be put on the speshul spot right next to the re’france desk.
(Editor’s note: a new shelf was installed just for the purpose of holding books the chibis had managed to cause trouble with.)
Step Seven: Checkin' your books out.
After searchin' the shelfs an' findin' books that you like, if there's not 'nough time to read them in the libarry, you can borrow 'em to take home. This is called Checkin' Ma-ter-ials Out.
Quatre: Those are azacktly the words the libarry-anne used.
Trowa: We think. It was a long time ago when we first learned this.
To borrow books, movies, or music from the libarry you need a “libarry card.” Gettin' a libarry card is easier 'n it sounds. There is a paper to fill out with your name, address, age, an' phone number. You’ll also need your webmommie or other legal guard-ian to show their photo I.D. That’s all! You turn in the paper an' the libarry-anne types it in then gives you your very own libarry card.
Relena: Mine fits right in the special slot of my pretty princess wall-upt an’ that’s where I keep it safe so it won’t get lost.
Wufei: Melody said we all had to find our own place to put our card, an’ that it’s our ‘sponsbility not to lose ‘um.
Relena: Our cards wasn’t pink to start with but I painted mine and glued on sparkles, which is okay ’cause the libarry-anne could still scan the card.
Heero: Only after she sighed an' scraped some a the pink off.
Duo: Enyway, if you don’t put junk all over the card you can lick it an’ stick it to your forehead an’ it will stay there for a good long time.
Relena: That’s yucky.
You hafta show 'em your libarry card at the checkout counter 'long with your see-leck-shuns each time you want to take somethin' home. The libarry-annes then scan your card an' then the barcode on ev'rything you want to check out. After that, the libarry-anne will tell you when the stuff hasta be brought back. Mosta the time you can keep the books a few weeks.
Chibi Quatre tip: Ya gotta 'member to take 'em back on time or the Mog-a-nocks will come knockin' on yer door to 'mind you 'bout it. Policin' for the libarry is one a their jobs in our town. An' ya don't want 'em to hafta come to yer house TWICE.
Chibi Duo tip: They're SCARY if ya don't lissen to 'em the first time. B'lieve me, I KNOW from Pers'nal 'Speary-ance!
Duo: An' the Libarry-annes really mean it when they say you hafta have the card every time. I know from other Pers'nal Speary-ances.
Relena: He forgets his card lots.
Heero: You never have all your books ready when we hafta take ’em back.
Wufei: ’N if the book gets broked ’cause you let it fall behind the bed ’gain, we’re the ones the libarry-annes think did it.
Relena: The libarry-annes gave Wufei lots of tips about not gettin' books broakt.
Quatre: Like not puttin’ them on the breakfast table ’n makin’ sure they aren’t left out in the rain.
Duo: I only spilt a little oatmeal once—the book survived. An’ I never left it out in the rain! The sprinklers came on an’ squirted too high.
Trowa: ’N not using chocolate bar wrappers as bookmarkers.
Wufei: I made sure Duo was there to hear ev'ry one of the things not to do. He’s the one said candy wrappers would work good ’nuff.
Duo: How was I a'sposed know it’d smear chocolate on the pages? ’N the libarry-annes didn’t yell at you or enything. They’ve told me the same things too. They just say all nice like to be careful.
When you borrow ma-ter-ials you are 'sponsible for takin' care of 'em an' returnin' all of the stuff in the same con-dish-un as they were when ya checked 'em out. Always return things on time or you’ll be fined--which means to pay money, which isn’t fun, 'specially if Melody makes ya pay from your 'llowance.
Step Eight: ????
Quatre: ( whispers) What was step eight ’gain?
Duo, Wufei, and Heero: (Shrugs)
Relena: What haven’t we talked ’bout yet?
Heero: We counted all the steps an' knew zacktly how many we had. Which one's missin’?
Duo: I can’t think ‘bout anythin’ more the readers need to know.
Trowa: How ’bout we tell everyone zacktly how to take care of the libarry books?
Wufei: Nah, we talked ’nuff about that. Sorta.
Quatre: I know! We could talk ’bout getting the books home.
Relena: That’s right, an’ the big box we brought with us. It was so pretty, painted pink with little gold crowns all over one side.
Quatre: We brought two ackshully, ’cause we couldn’t lift our first box if it was full.
Trowa: Even empty the smaller ones took two of use to carry.
Quatre: It was hard to walk ’cause I couldn’t see where my feet was goin'.
Duo: But we’re smart so we figured to push ’um enstead.
Heero: We got stopped even before we even got to the children’s section.
Quatre: The Libarry-anne said the boxes were a clever idea and that it sir-tin-ly would keep the books from gettin’ bent or misplaced at home.
Trowa: She also said she enjoyed our in’thoosy-asim.
Wufei: But there’s a limit to how many things can be checked out at one time and she sug’jested a small bag would be suss-fish-unt for what we needed.
Relena: Bags are better ’n boxes.
Trowa: We can each have our own.
Relena: I got to pick out one with a unicorn and a princess on it. She has really long hair with pink flowers in it.
Step Eight Again
If there is more not explained in this helpful pub-li-ca-shun, ask your libarry-anne.
Duo: That’s what we do. We ask ’um lots an’ lots of things.
Wufei: Like -- what if ninjas came in through the skylights?
Heero: Or -- what’s the longest book ever wrote?
Trowa: An’ if Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, where are the peppers that Peter Piper picked?
Quatre: Trowa really didn’t ask a libarry-anne that, but he is getting real good at sayin’ it.
Relena: Trowa found a book of tongue twisters.
Duo: What’s a peck?
Heero: (grumbling because he’d been forced to show up by Wufei, who’d been heavily influenced by Trowa to join and so wouldn’t let anyone else escape.) The fun stuff’s over but this is ’portent so pay ’tenshun all th’way to the end.
Trowa: First, we would like to thank the libarry-annes for showin’ us ‘round the libarry an’ lettin' us come back more ’n once.
Quatre: They are brave people.
Wufei: (nudged by Trowa) And thanks to our webmommie who takes us to the libarry, reads to us, an’ 'cur-ages us to read on our own.
Duo: We want to thank her even if she won’t let us read the really scary books with pictures of bloody bodies on the covers.
Heero: (mumbles) She won’t let use read ones on how to make ‘sploives nethur.
Quatre: We want to thank our webmommie 'gain because she lets us put these things on the website, along with sharin' other awesome stories 'bout us.
Wufei: Our webmommie also checked the writtin’ for any ’bearassin' mistakes.
Trowa: Last, we want to thank our ghostwriter who helped us with typin' what we wanted to say.
Relena: She's not really a ghost an' she taught us new words too.
Duo: Words like purrr-loin and knowledge-mint and dole-drums.
Quatre: She has a special book named after a dinosaur that has words with cinnamon on them. With it, she can look up words that mean the same thing as other words.
~Standard disclaimer~ The author does not claim to own Gundam Wing nor any of its characters, including the adorable chibis. >_< Gundam Wing belongs to Sunrise, Sotsu Agency and TV Asahi.
E-MAIL THE "Ghost Writer"! GWBoyzAngel timidtigress@hotmail.com
GO TO THE MAIN PAGE OF THE SHOOTING STARS COLLECTION: A GUNDAM WING IMAGE ARCHIVE
A helpful guide to the public libarry system written by chibis for chibis.
Interduckshun
Step One: Findin' the right seck-shun.
Step Two: Findin' the right sorta books.
Step Three: Findin' books in the catalog.
Step Four: Findin' books on the shelfs.
Step Five: Makin' friends with the Dewey Decimal System.
Step Six: Findin' the right readin' nook.
Step Seven: Takin' your books home.
Step Eight: Doin' everything else.
You know the type a day. You’ve watched all the movies to cool off: surfers an' big waves, sandcastles an' malts at the soda shop. The pool just isn’t 'nough. You’ve swimmed in it too many times an' just know the beach hasta be better. But, you live like a kagillian miles from the ocean. An' your webmommie says you’re not 'llowed to per-loin her credit card an' go hoppin' on a plane to the coast.
Teachers love it when you visit the libarry durin' your summer off too, so it’s good if you learn how to use it. We visited the libarry lotsa times now an', as sperienced pay-trons, we will share helpful advice 'bout these miss-sterious buildin's. After you're done readin' this guide, you’ll know everything you need to know 'bout how to use your local public libarry.
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Relena: Here come the ack-know-lidg-mints. We all got our parts to say.
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